Wednesday, September 26, 2012


Just going to keep quiet and take in all the pain all by myself. Why? Because I have no one. No one wants a stupid, emo, useless, immature friend right?


Lol. My blog has turn into a twitter for small rants. I have nowhere else to complain except here. Everywhere else is already open.


Sometimes, you have to understand that I am not you. Everyone is different and everyone has different opinions. Just because I let you step on my head doesn't mean you can take everything take for granted.


People wish to be happy, have a life, money, love and happiness. I wish to be dead, not even born, not born this way.


I am so sorry but I am so tired of everything now.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Have you ever felt like you are going to literally die, not wake up anymore to see the world tomorrow? I did. A couple of days ago. I thought I am not going to wake up anymore if I sleep. But here I am, still alive, writing this post, hoping that I have died instead.

The world is against you, people look at you like you are crazy, everyone is avoiding you, and all you can do is held back all those sissy useless tears that will bring you nowhere and move on. I stayed in the corner all my life, never going anywhere. Some say they are really shy people. Are you that shy that you can shut up the whole day if anyone did not talk to you first? Are you that shy that no one notices you in their group conversation? Are you that shy that when people just pokes and makes fun of you, you just smile and hopefully the hurt will just go away? A lesson to people out there: when you don't talk a lot, nobody will believe you. They only hear from those that talks a lot.

People thinks I am plain crazy. I get emotionally all the time and gets angry really easily. But can't they ever understand that there is always something behind it that makes me angry at first. And imagine that that anger is kept for decades, ready to explode like a popcorn? All they hear is just a one sided story. And the conclusion is just made by that story. -Hey, let's just ignore her! I hate her emo days. I don't understand why she emos all the time. She is so annoying. On such a small thing, she can emo. It is her fault that this thing happens. She is so stupid.- Let me just go back to my corner, while they have the pleasure of seeing me hurt.

I think of suicide all the time. I mean if i actually drop head first, i think the 3rd floor might already be enough for me. How about cutting my wrist? Hmm. I actually hate slow death. As fast as possible will do. Jumping a building works. Jumping a bridge, nah. The world will definitely be a better place without me, right?

I am currently having a huge depression on my head, I hate studying what I am studying now, but of course I can't tell my parents that I want to quit studying. I actually thought that death is the only way out of this black hole.

She thinks she is always right. I am always the wrong one. All she has to do is just smile and expects forgiveness in the end. She talks to people more than I do, and has more friends, which is a huge advantage to bring my confidence down. Hey, she might be spouting nonsense about me to the world, the hell do I know. You may think, I am the worst to doubt a friend, and a best friend at that. Yeah, sure. Try having a best friend who told everyone the darkest secret of your life to the world. And all she did is smile and apologize. And she still thinks it is my fault that I made her cry.  Just because I never cry, everyone thinks i am the stone cold, useless person. Stereotypes.

I really do want to jump now. Not because I am bitching about my best friend, but because of all the things that is happening to me. I really do want to die.