Wow.

Wow, when i just had the thought of you when i am reading my blog, you just had to suddenly appear from hangout. Wow. How am I going to forget you?

Leave Me Alone!

This few days, A has been so so so so so damn annoying. I really want to avoid if i can. He gets on my nerves too much and I think i am in the verge of tearing him apart.
It is so hard to cope with this kind of people. I know i will meet more people like him one day but he is just too annoying for me. I really want to scream in his face to leave me alone.
The biggest regret i ever had is electing him as my successor. He is practically so annoying right now. My blood is boiling because of him, I can't sleep, and now, problems just start collapsing above me.
Isn't it better to leave me alone? You all hate me anyway. I'm weird, I talk weird, i look weird, I'm stupid so just go away. Isn't it better like that than to tolerate me?
Just go away.
Just go away.
Leave me alone!

Quirkiness and Weirdness.

Is it me or people just can't handle weirdness? I admit I am very weird. I mumble to myself, sometimes i yell and scream at the smallest problem, I can laugh at anything, I am amused by the smallest joke, I can get really cranky at times, I get pissed off easily, I find people annoying and I hate going out because I hate people. I hate people because of the ugliness of the world where everyone would do anything to get what they want or people that has no empathy or sympathy, people who are always self-centered and stingy, power and money minded people. It is just unbearable to go outside and face this kinds of things.

I agree that there is so much more than what I see. There is love and friendship and so much more but ugliness has already clouded my mind and I don't see any solution of things becoming better.

Back to topic, I tend to speak or talk really loudly unintentionally. People will avoid me at all cost. I lose a friend because of that. I tend to not take care of my looks. People avoid me. I tend to not talk to other people because I am shy. People ignore me. I hate arguments so I always kept quiet when someone wants to argue with me. People just walk away and never looked back.

A lot of people can never understand me. They won't accept me for who I am. They want me to change into the same image of every other human beings on the planet. I am sorry but I can't do that. I am who I am. I won't start wearing make-up because you tell me too. I won't stop eating what I want just because you say I am fat. I won't wear a skirt because I have my reasons and I don't even think it's nice. So, right now, I will have to learn how to 'don't give a damn' to people out there. Hate me, I still can survive alone. I am LoneRangerZz for a reason.

p/s: If you know me so well, I ask you this. What is my favourite colour?

All I Want To Do Now is Cry..

seriously...
i cant cry..
no matter how badly hurt i am inside but i cant cry...
part of me pushes tears out, part of me pushes tears me..
my head is so messed up now i cant think straight..
i have done the worst thing that i can do in my whole life..
i cant describe it here.. (too personal)

one by one small pieces of me is dropping away into a bottomless pit..
i wonder if i can find anyone who can take it back and repair me..
but i will only be a lifeless zombie..
smiling into space...

the more i write, the more im dying..
so this ends here..
good night people...

It's Weird

Sometimes i find myself really weird..

not just the whole dual personality thing..

but also the way i act..

i am so scared of talking in fear of saying the wrong things and hurt others..

by the way i speak and the words i say..

the way i move and the actions i do..

i will regret after doing something or say something that i think i shouldn't..

even when i know, it's too late for me to say sorry..

im just afraid people will hate me although im clear that there will always be someone out there that will hate me..

im not perfect..

no one is..

but still that regret will never go away..

i really hope i will not be like this but i do really hope there is someone out there that can cure this thing of mine..

the more i say, the more low confidence i get...

i mean my confidence level now i can guess is negative 10..

its still going down one by one every single day..

i wonder if one day i will get my confidence up to positive, even only 1..

im kinda feeling really insecure now..

he fits everything but i may not fit what he wants..

im starting to feel ike giving it up but luckily there are friends around me that will hit my head when i mentioned it..

its nice to have such friends..

there are people who tried to help me to make this work...

am really grateful to them..

if fate does not approve, then oh well, you know the rest..

my head is really messed up now..

i better not type too much..

i dun even understand what im typing..

bye peeps..

have a nice day~

Dual Personality

I don't want to write this..

but i don't want to write this..

I am sometimes girlish..

but i'm still guyish...

I am a nerd.. I love books..

but i still go out socializing..

I am love both guyish and girlish animes..

I feel like banging my head on the wall..

but that would probably hurt..

I love people's attention..

but i love being a loner...

i am always smiling..

but emoing inside..

im going crazy..

but people just say im weird...

i hate myself..

and love myself at the same time...

Weird Thinking of a Human Being...

people are so weird, which makes them special, some of u may think..

but this weirdness is not the 'good' kind of weird.. its the 'bad' kind.. the annoying one to be precise..

so, in KL we have tonnes of shopping malls.. i wont name any one of the malls just to protect their privacy and rights and whatsoever...

in this certain mall, which i really hate to go, they have brand stores from all over the world...

very high class one to be honest..

the moment i went in, i was awed by the places and all the decorations (it was chinese new year, chinese new year shopping, yay!)

beautiful, everything was just wonderful, i think i looked like a 'Jakun' (a person who never seen anything before and acts all wow here, wow there everywhere)

so, as we entered shops to look at the stuffs, the weird people part arrived..

there are 2 salesman and saleswoman who looked at us up and down, up and down, the attire, the handbag, the shoes (we are just wearing casual, not so gaudy looking) and continue back talking..

outrageous attitude..

i mean u are a worker there and how dare u judge how rich a person is on how she/he looks..

so my dad just ignored the fella(s) and went on looking around..

they didn bother to tell us anything about it.. i mean its not everyday we memorise brands from all over the world..

i know you are working at a famous brand shop but still, manners are still manners..

i think they looked at us and think that 'oh, this guy wont buy anything from here'..

come on!

its common courtesy to greet ur guest, say a little hello and introduce a few sales product here and there...

if u warm up to the customer, they might eventually probably buy one of the products..

so if high class salesmen and saleswomen are not going to waste their SALIVA, they might as well risk any commission or sales..

damn it.. stupid people..

this is only referring to certain shops..

some of the shops are really nice.. they open the door for u, greet u with a warm smile and said thank you or good day after u finished browsing their items eventhough you didn buy anything..

which is something that people should learn...

i really hope that one day, when i earn enough, i would go back to that particular mall, wearing only simple t-shirt and jeans, walk around and buy something expensive, scare them to death..

nyahaha...

ok then people, thats all for today!!

XDDD

p/s: dun judge a person by their looks.. how many times had a person died in those movies when they think the person looking like a killer is not a killer?

=]

what happened when u really cant let go of someone?

forget about him, move on, get on with ur life!!

dats what most people will say..

this few days i've been having this illness called love sickness...

a few sad songs here, a wonderful fairy tale will not cure anything...

weird huh?

so, what will be ur take?

forget about the past and move on?

or return back to the start?

repost..

i actually wrote something really emo.. and i had the title i hate myself..

then i delete it and make this one instead...

if it were to be my old self.. i would post it anyway..

i think im much more non emo now..

less emo more weirdness and craziness...

^^

I Hope...

i hope i have this big red button on my friend's blog so that i can press it and force her to continue blogging...

I KNOW U ARE READING THIS, WEIX!!!

i miss her blog a lot... long long ones.. its nice to read.. XD

p/s: 6 more days to CF'10

pp/s: my outline done, next iu have to do my wonderful wonderful..... test and assignment.. 0.0 must finish before CF!!!

Just Being Me..

sometimes it hurts to watch ur friend get hurts and u can't do anything about it..
especially if u like him..
all i can do now is just keep quiet and not say a thing that might hurt him even more..

y did i rant on blog when he is not even reading my blog?

well, that's the point..

i don't want him to know...

hope that e will be alright..

p/s: i have the tendency to say 'fuck' in every sentence i say today.. emo?

i think im falling into a puppy love... 0.0

having too much hopes and principles in life is hard...

in the end, i end up breaking some of them..

absentmindedly i typed his name in the login id column for maplestory..

is this what we call love or just coincidence...

nah.. coincidence..

Holiday is What We Want and What We Need..

one week of holidays!!
yay!!
and y am i not happy?
due to the absence of someone? maybe.....
i miss my friends a lot!!! Wei Xien, Hui Yenn, Hui Ni, Shih Ying, YZ and so on and on and on....
i did visited them last friday... at lit class... oh how i miss lit class... sitting around chatting and doing assignments half heartedly(no offense)..

i think i need typing lessons now....
my typo error is too much...
makes me say smth that i dun meant to say..haha...

well, i watch the whole season4 of Bones during my last weekends when i got backto my hometown...
oh dam it.. wait.. is dat a molded bread on the table?
AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EWWWWW!!!!!!!!!


i have to go clean dat up... post more things next time.. im not in the mood of typing now... i wonder y...

Busy Week...

it's gonna be a very very very busy week next wekk..
drama.. presentation.. project...
haizzz...
hopefully everything will go on well..

anyway.. since i haven blogging a long time alr....
because im damn busy...
i shall talk about.....
nothing...


ok bye c ya guys....
happy halloween...

smile dun sulk...


XDDD

Need You

I know its not your fault, but I’m? a locked door
Anytime I’m a mess by someone before
And I wish that I, I could find a key
To unlock all the things that you want us to be
Let me open up and start again,
But there’s a safe around my heart
I don’t know how to let you in,
And that’s what keeps us apart
And that’s why I need time.
I said I need you,
I need you to understand, you, you, you
I need you to understand, you, you, you

Call up the locksmith,
Tell him we need him quick
We’ve got a million keys,?
None of them seem to fit
While your on the phone,
Call up the clocksmith,
Cuz I could use some time,
Even the slightest bit

Let me open up and start again,
And break this safe around my heart
I don’t know how to let you in,
And that’s what keeps us apart
And that’s why I need time
I said I need you
I need you to understand, you, you, you
I need you to understand, you, you, you

I’m thinking now’s? the time,
Maybe its time to go, if I gave you my heart, be gentle,
I’m tired of laying low, lets give the world a show
And when you know, you know,
And when you know, you know, you know
And when you know, you know, you know, you know
And that’s why I need time

I said I need you,
I need you to understand, you, you, you (x2)
I need you to understand (x4)
I need you (x3)
I need you, you, you

-travie mccoy-

Love..

Love can be like 4 seasons...

Love hurts like a blazing sun in summer..
Love heals like the blooming flower in spring...
Love can turn someone cold like winter...
Love can fall like leaves in autumn...

I Need My Sleep!!!

i seriously need my sleep..
im lacking of sleep and every hour that i didn use to sleep to complete my 8 hours is going to cut my life off..
seriously..
and i cant believe i woke up at 10 today...
just because im scared of my presentation...
u know the feeling of butterflies in ur tummy....
mine is like a herd of elephants in my black hole...
er... dat doesnt hurt..
i mean my tummy then...
lol...
im going to go back my hometown and enjoy my sleep as much aspossible to claim back the hours of dream...



XDDDDD

What You See Isn't Always What You Get..

the title explains it all..

don't judge a book by its cover..

Think Again..

if u think u know me well, think again..
pls do not run so far when i come to the point where u dint know me at all...

i maybe the last person to trust
i maybe the last person to make friends with you
i maybe the last person on ur list of friends
i maybe the last person u hope i can talk to u
i maybe the last person u can depend on
but i will definitely be the last person to leave ur side as a friend..

p/s: y i write so susah when that guy so damn fucking emo wont be reading this?
pp/s: im just an idiot..

Bad Sad Hard Feelings..

today is Joash Wee's birthday!!!
he must be happily up there celebrating..
lucky him...
haha..

did the cat just jerk when he sleeps?
kyahahaha....

its hard to let this feelings go..
they may not be a very close family to me...
but they are close friends to me..
i still couldn't accept all that happens..
my friend say that one day this may happen gain and again so just let it go and leave on..
i thought letting go is easy but its so hard...
maybe its just me refusing to take it in and live with it....
haizz...
hopefully i can have a friend that can help me forget these...

ok then..
dats all...
love you all readers...
muaxx muaxx....

p/s: im back for the week only... next weekend going back to hometown again...
pp/s:no smiley today.. no feel to put...
ppp/s: happy birthday again, joash!!!!