Friday, December 28, 2012

If I were to turn back time.

I would turn back to the day when I was born and kill myself with my own hands.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Losing a friend.

If losing a friend will cause me to lose 10 more friends, fine then. I don't even care. I faced this once, I can do it again. Why not spread it more? Post in some social network and spread the word that I am a bitch and if you are a friend of hers, you are not a friend of mine. Here, I helped you a little already. If you think i am talking about you, yes I am talking about you. You want to end this friendship, fine with me. I am tired of your fucking bossy attitude and that stupid bossy tone and self centered nature. Oh, well no use telling you again and again. Because in your head, everyone else is wrong, only you are right. You want me to shout or scream at you? No. Apparently, I have to repeat this again and again. Just because you shout and scream and talk with that stupid tone of yours, doesn't mean everyone is the same as you. I won't scream or shout at you because I AM NOT YOU.  I do whatever fuck I want when I'm angry. No need for you to control whatever I do. I am not your puppet.
If this will cause me to be the loneliest person in the whole world, I don't mind. I have been there, I have experienced it.

p/s: Oh, cry as much as you want. Get all that sympathy from all the people around you. That will do the job faster anyone. Make my friends hate me. Make everyone hate me. 

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


Who am I suppose to rely on anymore?
Who am I suppose to believe anymore?
Who am I suppose to trust anymore?
I somehow seems to begin doubting everyone. It is the worst thing a friend can ever do. But i can't stop doubting. Everything don't fall into place. Something always seem to be wrong. It's like the friend I thought I can rely on is stabbing me on the back happily. Going lalala and shit..
So, now, I am just so very tired. I don't want to start worrying on pointless things. Can I just stop thinking about them please? I really hope he/she can please tell me what did I do wrong. I don't want to be so ignore everything til I became a selfish bitch. Anyone can you please help me? I really need you to tell it to my face, not behind me.
I know I am a very shy person, finding for new friends is like waiting to snow in Malaysia. I have only this small group of friends that I could have fun with. I don't have anyone else. The ones in Muar are most probably gone and lost in contact. I am so so so so so sad because once my best friend, now just an acquaintance.
Are you giving my hopes up or I am just bringing my own hopes up? All the tweets that you send, words that you say, is it just me or is it real? What does it mean? I don't want to be left hanging like this. Just say ' you are wrong, it is not for you'. There, problem solved. The facebook statuses from other people seem to be hurting me a lot. I am probably thinking too much. I mean it's probably not for me. It's probably for someone else, but coincidence is so weird in this situation. I never believe in coincidences. SOMEONE TELL ME PLEASE!! I BEG OFF YOU!!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


Just going to keep quiet and take in all the pain all by myself. Why? Because I have no one. No one wants a stupid, emo, useless, immature friend right?


Lol. My blog has turn into a twitter for small rants. I have nowhere else to complain except here. Everywhere else is already open.


Sometimes, you have to understand that I am not you. Everyone is different and everyone has different opinions. Just because I let you step on my head doesn't mean you can take everything take for granted.


People wish to be happy, have a life, money, love and happiness. I wish to be dead, not even born, not born this way.


I am so sorry but I am so tired of everything now.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Have you ever felt like you are going to literally die, not wake up anymore to see the world tomorrow? I did. A couple of days ago. I thought I am not going to wake up anymore if I sleep. But here I am, still alive, writing this post, hoping that I have died instead.

The world is against you, people look at you like you are crazy, everyone is avoiding you, and all you can do is held back all those sissy useless tears that will bring you nowhere and move on. I stayed in the corner all my life, never going anywhere. Some say they are really shy people. Are you that shy that you can shut up the whole day if anyone did not talk to you first? Are you that shy that no one notices you in their group conversation? Are you that shy that when people just pokes and makes fun of you, you just smile and hopefully the hurt will just go away? A lesson to people out there: when you don't talk a lot, nobody will believe you. They only hear from those that talks a lot.

People thinks I am plain crazy. I get emotionally all the time and gets angry really easily. But can't they ever understand that there is always something behind it that makes me angry at first. And imagine that that anger is kept for decades, ready to explode like a popcorn? All they hear is just a one sided story. And the conclusion is just made by that story. -Hey, let's just ignore her! I hate her emo days. I don't understand why she emos all the time. She is so annoying. On such a small thing, she can emo. It is her fault that this thing happens. She is so stupid.- Let me just go back to my corner, while they have the pleasure of seeing me hurt.

I think of suicide all the time. I mean if i actually drop head first, i think the 3rd floor might already be enough for me. How about cutting my wrist? Hmm. I actually hate slow death. As fast as possible will do. Jumping a building works. Jumping a bridge, nah. The world will definitely be a better place without me, right?

I am currently having a huge depression on my head, I hate studying what I am studying now, but of course I can't tell my parents that I want to quit studying. I actually thought that death is the only way out of this black hole.

She thinks she is always right. I am always the wrong one. All she has to do is just smile and expects forgiveness in the end. She talks to people more than I do, and has more friends, which is a huge advantage to bring my confidence down. Hey, she might be spouting nonsense about me to the world, the hell do I know. You may think, I am the worst to doubt a friend, and a best friend at that. Yeah, sure. Try having a best friend who told everyone the darkest secret of your life to the world. And all she did is smile and apologize. And she still thinks it is my fault that I made her cry.  Just because I never cry, everyone thinks i am the stone cold, useless person. Stereotypes.

I really do want to jump now. Not because I am bitching about my best friend, but because of all the things that is happening to me. I really do want to die.

Thursday, May 3, 2012



No more arguments, no more being nice!

I am so damn tired of being nice and arguments..
Arguing is just plain stupid.
People argue all day, of course, no one agrees with everything that is happening in the world right now. But what is the point arguing on stupid stuffs?
I am so sick and tired of arguing on the small matters that I have given up the whole thing.
I have tried arguing with so many people, I can't give a good comeback, some even say i give horrible arguments which makes no sense at all, so I might as well keep this fucking mouth shut and not argue at all. To some of you out there, this is pathetic. But it is not to me.
So if anyone starts an argument, I am just going to say, 'yes, you are right, I am wrong, I am stupid, you win, the end, shut up.'

Which brings to the point of being nice.
Being nice all the time is the most stupidest thing I can do.
People nowadays just takes advantage of those that are nice and fucking step on their heads without feeling sorry.
Because they are too nice to object or even say no.
Some of the people might think, 'oh, this girl is just crapping and she doesn't know what is she talking about, bla bla bla.'
Get real!
Real world doesn't work with nice people.
Most people will take the most advantage out of you without considering your feeling whatsoever.
Why consider their feeling when they are you stupid stepping stone to success or whatever bullshit that is?
The word 'EMPATHY' is no longer existing in anyone's dictionary.
Yes, I am writing this anger.
Done for now.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Compact Semester!

Presentation is tonight and i am FREAKING OUT!!!
It has been so long since i have presentations but every single time is a nerve wrenching experience.
Next week is going to be finals. 2 papers. This week is all studying and assignments and presentations.
Hopefully i can get through this as fast as possible because I can't take anymore stress.
Last week, i was having the relax mode and i need to push the fact that next week is finals already!!
Anyways, i am keeping my fingers crossed that I don't fail this semester.
I can't register my subject yet.
Seems like i have to meet my academic advisor..
Which will be a big hassle since i seriously need to study and get everything over with..
I am hoping for semester break now..
I am going to enjoy myself once I am DONE with my finals..
Mind block.
So, i'm going to leave it here for now..
Bye. CYA.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

New Stuff Don't Come Easy

After few days of begging and begging, FINALLY my dad says yes to my new phone.
All sponsored and the phone is already ordered.
I am so damn excited to come back to Muar for the weekend for my phone. (ok this sounds really bad because I come back for a phone instead of my family, oh the horror!)
But i couldn't get it yet because the stock is not here yet.
And i expected so much from it.
I can't wait to try!!
Anyways, there is nothing much that happened to me this weekend..
A nosebleed and a backache.
I am having the backache right now and it is really uncomfortable..
I have been having nosebleed for a few times already.
It looks really bad to me, but it only happens to me when i'm back here.
Must be the air-cond.

Bersih 3.0 had just ended yesterday.
I wasn't there, so i can't give much of my own comments to this issue.
But i believe that the people and the government must know that a country is not the land or the government. A country is its people. Without the people, what is a country?
There are many different reports from different parties.
Believing both sides will only cloud the mind.
So, i am just going to sit on the fence because no use pointing fingers at others when the truth is uncertain.

I think I should get my sleep now.
I will try to write more..
This blog is getting more and more dead.
Bye for now..

Monday, April 16, 2012

Decisions! Decisions!

yes, i know.. I still have my old phone and my old phone is still working..
it's getting slower though..
2 years this coming July..
so, i have looked on countless smartphones all the way from HTC to Samsung...
I decided on these few phones:
1. HTC One X
2. HTC Sensation XE
3. Samsung Galaxy S2
4. wait for Samsung Galaxy S3..

well, i looked at reviews, youtube videos, ask everyone i know.. and the list is based on the level that i want the phone..
so, now i need the reader's opinion..
Yes to new phone?? No to new phone??
If not, why????
If yes, which one???
Thank you!!

p/s: i'm going to pay for my own phone bill and everything.. -sigh- but dad is going to sponsor for my phone (hopefully.. -fingers crossed- )

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

hey! Hey!! HEY!!!

How long has it been?
4 months?
hahaha.. ok, i will honestly apologize to my readers.. I have been really lazy lately, not posting blogs and all, well, say thank you to slow internet speed, I'm back to my blog.. (hopefully my internet is not barred right now)
I am actually addicted/caught up to a new private server, ForeverMS, a maplestory private server so I have neglected writing for a long time. Having friends in the virtual world kinda hooks me there a lot. The drama, the love life, the friendship, the arguments, cant get enough of them. My friends have been scolding me for not being able to differentiate my real life and my virtual life. I guess it was pretty stupid of me to seek love and friendship in the virtual world where you have never seen anyone before! I need a break sometimes. Not being able to talk to people is tough. Changing is even tougher.
It's been a tough year for me. Having new semesters starting, none of my resolutions are even succeeded. Still a girl wishing for someone for her birthday every year -sigh-. BUT it's okay! I shall wait for another year! Always waiting.. But if i can't well, i will be married to my job, my house or maybe my dog.. hahaha.. if you know what i mean.
Right so, currently I am writing a book, a half-ass job (what the fuck!) and not a good one.. Everyone has the idea, but some can write it out. It wasn't easy, but I do hope my work will be published some day. It's still crappy at this stage but I will definitely improve soon!!
Saw a few lightnings in the distance.. Looks like it will be a cold night..
Shall update soon when I can. Well, I will!!