I Died

I dreamt that I died. A very vivid dream. I remember dying one day and no one can see or hear me. I am not allowed to move on until I have done all the things that I should be doing. The only way for people to see me is when they can hear me. At first, screaming at the top of my lungs, no one responded, until my mum. She was the first one who could see me. I cant remember the details after that. I remember it was all in a mall. I did manage to move on, then I woke up.
Could say it is a creepy dream, yet sad.

Dream interpretation:
Death - To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Although such a dream may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm as it is often considered a positive symbol.  Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.

Dream

This is the first time something like this happened to me.
As I walked towards the door, I put my hand and pushed hard on it. It was difficult at first. How can this small door be this hard to open, I thought. I grind my teeth and continued pushing. A ray of red light came through the small crack. And slowly, the small door swung opened. The next thing I saw was a the red sun shining brightly on top of a high mountain. The barren land lay dead in front of me. The land is dry. The sun must have dried it all up. There is a river of red water runs through the land. I stared at it closely and noticed that it is running blood. Grabbing my hand out quickly, I stumbled into a nearby rock and cut my back. Before I could react to it, a sudden tsunami wave of brown water rushed towards me. I was pushed all the way back to the door. I held on tight to the side of the door to avoid getting washed away. As the flow subsides, I re-positioned myself and squat at the side of the door. The brown water was hot and every part of me that hit the water is burning. I whispered to myself to reduce the pain. Suddenly, another huge wave appeared and splashed straight at me. This time, I screamed silently as the water passed through me. I held my knees together tightly and tried to persevere through the pain. I sighed in relief as the pain recedes. I open my eyes and realized I am in my room. I thought this may be a dream. There is a short sharp pain behind my back and I saw a long cut right down my spine through the mirror. Is it a dream or is it true?




You have no idea that I just described my bowel movement. Haha.

...

Wrong.

What have I done wrong? Did I not do enough? Ugh. This is killing me.

Being in love.

Expectations

Whatever I do, I must not expect too high or too far. Anything can happen. So, by not expecting at all, I won't be disappointed.

Dream

Last night, I was stressed out from your comment on how I should initiate more instead of him doing everything.
I am originally a very shy person. It is hard for me to start a conversation nonetheless, continue one.
Even using a social media, it is tough.
But for him, I guess I will try harder.
And last night, due to the stress, I dreamed that we broke up. I was like 'what' when I woke up. Can't really remember any of it.
Refuse to.

Insecurities.

It is not easy to get used to something new. I'm already hating myself. Now, I have t learn how to love someone else. Have to work hard on that.
Every single mistake that I make, makes me think that it might disappoint him.
Every words that I said, makes me think that he might hate me for it.
I have to think before I act, before I speak.
I am so scared of everything and there is no one else to help me but myself.
I need to buckle myself up for this.
I don't want to give up.
But i am afraid of losing him.
Being too cautious is really giving me a headache.
Apparently, holding a conversation with him is the key to the relationship, yet that is the hardest thing for me.
Need to learn more on how to talk.
I really hope this will go away.
Please go away, stupid insecure feelings.