What is it like feeling so lonely?

What is it like to be so damn freaking lonely?
Honestly, you don't want to know..
People may say that i am well, happily blessed with lots and lots of friends but why do i still have the shitty feeling that i was left abandoned all alone in a small cage, waiting for someone, or anyone to use a key and open the door for me.
The feeling started a long time ago.

I was an ordinary kid like you, like every normal small size human beings could be.
I had a lot of friends.
But something, i do not know what, plunge me into this horrible cage.
I started to space out and into the shadows of everyone's life.
I may laugh and talk like everyone else. I have lots and lots of friends but why do i have this feeling?
Friends make you feel you are wanted and you actually existed on this face of this earth but why don't have this feeling?
Maybe i was just acting impossible, hard-to-get, or just being ridiculous, or maybe i wanted attention.
Yeah. Maybe the fourth one is the one that i should stick to it.
After a while, friends like S and Y had actually made me realise the truth.

I'M ACTING LIKE A STUPID!!!

Ok, i admit i am.
I hope this feeling is going ro receed but it doesn't.. Not yet..
And now i'm in MMU.
Living with my new friends, A1,A2, A3, L, C, K, and H.
Everything is going fine.
School's fine.
Lecturers' are fine.
Students' are fine.
Why am i still lonely?

Then, it struck me.
My mum was talking to my sister one day.
I heard it, of course (they intend to let me listen to what they say).
I was not feeling lonely.
I was afraid.
Afraid that i will lose all my friends if i ever do anything wrong to them.
I thought that one slightest mistake will make my friendship with them, broken forever.
I will always make up with lots of sorries, frightful that anuthing can happen and this has cause me to lose myself too.
I was being too good til people take avantage of me. ><
So, now i am going to try to be who i wanted to be!!! And never let anyone look down on me again!!!

Hopefully i can do it. T.T

p/s: To those who may concern. If i did anyhing wrong, gomenasai, sorry yah..
pp/s: Oh, shit. I'm doing it again. ><

Names are ommited to protect privacy to those who are concern.
Thank You!