Expectations

Whatever I do, I must not expect too high or too far. Anything can happen. So, by not expecting at all, I won't be disappointed.

Dream

Last night, I was stressed out from your comment on how I should initiate more instead of him doing everything.
I am originally a very shy person. It is hard for me to start a conversation nonetheless, continue one.
Even using a social media, it is tough.
But for him, I guess I will try harder.
And last night, due to the stress, I dreamed that we broke up. I was like 'what' when I woke up. Can't really remember any of it.
Refuse to.

Insecurities.

It is not easy to get used to something new. I'm already hating myself. Now, I have t learn how to love someone else. Have to work hard on that.
Every single mistake that I make, makes me think that it might disappoint him.
Every words that I said, makes me think that he might hate me for it.
I have to think before I act, before I speak.
I am so scared of everything and there is no one else to help me but myself.
I need to buckle myself up for this.
I don't want to give up.
But i am afraid of losing him.
Being too cautious is really giving me a headache.
Apparently, holding a conversation with him is the key to the relationship, yet that is the hardest thing for me.
Need to learn more on how to talk.
I really hope this will go away.
Please go away, stupid insecure feelings.

Share The Love.

It is the happiest thing in the world to be able to share the love with someone important. It is important to stress that a relationship is all about appreciation and sharing the love you have for yourself with that special someone. It's not about receiving love and wanting to fill the empty hole in your heart. 

Sometimes, when I miss you, I would look at your pictures. Now, I sound like a stalker. Hahaha.

I take things quite intensely so any words that he share, I tend to interpret it as a love message. It may be not one but i prefer to keep it that way.

I must keep my expectation low so I won't get disappointed.

I must always forgive. By forgiving, only one can move on. It's not only for a relationship, its also for friendship, family and even pets.

I really hope this will last longer, if possible forever. Must try to make it work all the way. 

Fucked up

I just fucked up my whole life. Once a bright student, now I find myself a disappointment.
Due to my increasing level of laziness, I did the following:

• Skipped too many classes
• No assignment group mates which causes me to miss out 20 marks.
• Fall back on my studies.

This semester has been hard for me. I am a very lazy person in nature. And karma hits me back double. I have been counted lucky a few times. I guess this is where my luck is gone. I shouldn't have relied on luck too much.
Sometimes, I do think of giving up and just suicide. But this won't change anything. It will still make my family and friends sad. I have to buckle up and try to score this semester.
If I continue skipping classes, this on my own written words, would ask someone to take my money, buy guns and bullets and shoot me in the head.
I really am very tired of all this.
I don't have much friends.
I am grateful for those that helped me.
I am so happy to have some friends who still helps me.



In the middle of the night, all I want is just a hug.  

Hate

It's so easy to make people hate me. I should do it more.

Let go.

Since it's already too late, I should stop talking to you. But it's so hard to stop it.
I don't want to be the cause of your demise. But i was so happy. I don't want it to end although i know the time will come for the end.

Wow.

Wow, when i just had the thought of you when i am reading my blog, you just had to suddenly appear from hangout. Wow. How am I going to forget you?